Indifference to Love Turns Us Into Fools
Love covers a multitude of sins, but the lack of love makes room for all kinds of iniquity.
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Yesterday on Twitter I told this short story about telling the truth but being indifferent to love. You can read it if you’d like but I want to follow up with a few thoughts. First, I should say something about the setting of this story. It was during a lecture series by a denominational leader. I don’t remember what the lecture series was about, but during the Q&A time, a women came to the microphone and mentioned that some of his remarks were unloving. I don’t remember what the content was about, but his reputation, even now, fits the description. It’s interesting that he didn’t argue that he was in fact being loving. He responded back that its most loving to tell the truth.
It took quite a bit of courage for the woman to speak that way in a room full of men. But what I most remembered were people applauding the speaker’s remark. The applause indicated this principle was both widely accepted and was being formed into the minds of those listening. There were similar moments like this throughout my seminary training and other equipping environments. What was being expressed was that spiritual leaders (or Christians, even) didn’t need to express a tender heart, compassion, peace, or mercy in our speech, actions, or even tone, as long as what was said was true. Harshness was regularly given a pass. From what I can tell there have been a few generations of evangelical conservatives who have internalized the idea that we can be indifferent to gentleness and love (or at least be indifferent to the sin of lovelessness) as long as we are being truthful. What I want to say is that this contradiction has been allowed to exist subtly (and sometimes flagrantly) for a long time and it has shaped us in ways that ought to sadden us.
To be clear, there were no conferences entitled “Truth, Not Love,” but in the same way we don't become materialistic by reading a pamphlet on the benefits of materialism, many of us became indifferent to love indirectly, just by watching, participating, and listening. We have listened to speakers use sarcasm, mockery, and condescension. Many of us nodded our heads and mentally took notes. We would sing old hymns about the love of Christ but listen to sermons or plenary talks that often were characterized by snark rather than compassion.
I’m not the first to recognize this dynamic, but when people do, they often point out the impact it has on other people. Our lack of love alienates and wounds others and it actually distorts the truth and the glory of God. That’s true. But what we often do not point out is what our indifference to love does to us. It changes us. Lovelessness turns us into certain kinds of people. We become prone to slander and malice. Love covers a multitude of sins, but the lack of love makes room for all kinds of iniquity.
This is especially dangerous for spiritual leaders. Again, our lack of love is damaging to others, for sure. But the regular use of our words without the discerning practice of love deforms us. It turns us into fools. We become people easily duped by wolves who simply share our tone, not our truth, because tone becomes interchangeable with truth.
Without love there is no hope for spiritual maturity. Many have the idea that theological advancement and even the ability to articulate truth in a clear and compelling way is maturity. Again, I don’t think anyone would articulate it that way, but somehow we have digested the principle. Many pastors, leaders, and Christians who have advanced degrees and have written books are talking about spiritual truths in public with a kindergarten level of spiritual maturity. An older Christian took me aside one time and encouraged me that if I can’t engage in a theological debate without being mean-spirited or without using sarcasm I probably do not have the maturity and wisdom to participate. It’s true. An indifference to love makes us fools. As James 3: 17-18 tells us, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”
But here is where maybe we can find some renewal: an indifference to love cannot co-exist with the experience of God’s love. It just can’t. Without a sustained experience of God’s love, truth becomes just a means to score points, gain attention, or just fill some void in your inner life. Meditating on the Psalms and Gospels and experiencing the gentleness of Christ for ourselves in quiet, hidden moments on a regular basis is the only hope for maturing us towards love. I’m praying for renewal. I’m praying that Christians inside of our churches find the love of Christ so attractive and beautiful that it changes them into attractive and beautiful communities.
I have been away from NYC in the desert (Tucson, AZ) for several days now. I miss New York—even the snow. A few weeks ago I walked up Fifth Avenue with my 35mm camera and took a few shots on the walk home.
Thank you for such faithful words!
This is so good, John.